Zack's Bad Day
by OmnomnomChomp
Summary: Ever had one of those days where everything goes against you? Zack has one heck of a day and complains to Reno. I still suck at summaries.


**A/N: I love Zack, and I never wanted him to die. So here he is, and he is 100% ALIVE and being Zack. Or Zackary Fair.**

**I was originally going to write it in first person in Zack's POV, but I just HAD to put Reno in there. Even though the two shouldn't even be seen together. I think they'd make great friends.**

**Warnings: Sephiroth/Genesis pairing here.**

**Disclaimer: I swear on my Microsoft Word 2007 that none of these characters are mine except Chuu.**

Zack sat down in front of Reno at Tifa's bar, "I had the _worst_ day today."

Reno looked up, "Did you?" He looked down at the papers in front of him and swore quietly, "Stupid paperwork."

Zack shuddered, "Paperwork is _nothing_ compared to what happened to me today."

"What happened, yo?"

"It starts in the morning, and gets worse."

"How?" Reno asks, ignoring the patrons at the bar staring at a Turk and a SOLDIER together and not killing each other.

"I wake up, and the day starts with a cold shower!"

"That does suck, yo."

"Yes, but the cold shower is because Angeal used it _all_ up before me!"

"Didn't he always tell you to leave some hot water for him, yo? I think that's just his way of 'payback'."

"I know, I know, but I only woke up _five minutes_ later than usual, and I get a cold shower. In winter.

"And it get worse, you know how I always say the food the cafeteria serves is either made with mako, or just slop they dug out of the sewers?"

"Yes, I think you have told me."

"They got pissed at me saying that, so they _actually did dig something out of a monster's pen_, and I _ate it_. I think there's a spider in my stomach right now."

"Eugh, that's gross, yo."

"Yeah, I got a MASSIVE stomach ache. But that's not all; I walk into the bathroom to throw up, right? And guess who else is in there?"

"Someone I don't want to know?"

"Almost...General Sephiroth and Genesis were there."

"...so? It's only a washroom, Zack."

"Until you see what they were _doing_!"

"Oh boy, yo."

"Yeah, they were MAKING OUT right in front of me. And I was already going to throw up. They were almost doing it standing up."

"..."

"So I throw up, 'cuz the food's really getting to me, and they hear me. Sephiroth decided to have me train the Thirds for that!"

"That's not so bad, yo."

"No? Then Sephiroth thought it would be funny to let my fan club in. I got MAULED by some over eager Thirds, and by them rabid fan girls! And it's not even lunch yet! And then it gets worse."

"Really," Reno said dryly.

"Yup, so Angeal decides to teach me more about monsters...and decides today would be a good day to show me a cactuar."

"Those things are hard to beat, yo," Reno nodded sympathetically.

"Well I didn't have to beat it, in the end," Zack groaned, remembering.

"Why?"

"It was dancing, I think, and then it tried to freaking RAPE me." Zack looked up, "Hey...Reno...are you LAUGHING at me?" Zack growled at said Turk.

"HAHAHA!" Reno pounded the table with the palm of hand, shaking with laughter, "Okay, okay! Go on."

Zack put his head down again, "I don't get WHY it would want to do that. It tried to kill Angeal, and was trying to stalk me on the other hand."

"It must be the hair, yo."

"What? My hair looks NOTHING like a cactuar!"

"Tell that to the cactuar."

"And Sephiroth thought that was really funny. How humiliating."

"How do you know? The General has a face of stone, yo."

"He only calls me 'Zackary' when he thinks I've goofed up majorly. And he called me 'Zackary Fair' when Angeal told him what happened." Zack banged his head loudly on the table, "I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED! Other than that time when I was...you know...with that...walking-in-on-the scenario."

"That sounds bad yo." Reno stuck his tongue out childishly at the people staring at Zack (who was still banging his head) and him.

"Yeah...anyways, I'm thinking 'when will this day end?' and the day gets worse!"

"I pity you, yo...what happened?"

"Stop looking excited. I ate materia. And you know, it just HAD to be materia that set me on fire! I will never ever never again take a dare from you again, Reno."

"Hey! I never knew you'd ACTUALLY eat random materia!"

"I had to go to Hojo to stop coughing smoke, and would you know it—he tried to take out my liver while I was knocked out by the drugs he has. Angeal stopped him, though."

"Well, on the bright side, at least you can live with only one liver, yo!"

"We only have ONE liver, Reno."

"I think I meant kidneys...So after Hojo tries to take your liver, what happens?"

"I went home to sleep until tomorrow, right? And I think I told you about my neighbour who brings home a girl every other day, and a guy on all the rest? Yeah, well, they were already 'going at it' when I came home." Zack said, putting his face back down on the table, "So I decided to come here."

At that moment, a lithe redheaded girl skipped over to them, "Hey Zack, sir!"

Zack looked up, "Hey Chuu."

"You look down, what happened, sir? Other than the usual complaints of walking in on Sephiroth and Genesis and Hojo buying your organs, sir."

"I had one heck of a day."

Chuu nodded, "Well Angeal called, sir. He says he has a special mission for you, sir. He told me to ask you how much you liked cactaurs."

Zack banged his head hard on the table, groaning loudly, ignoring the panicked looks of the patrons of the bar.

"Hey, what's with you, sir?" Chuu asked and turning to Reno, "What's with him?"

"He had a really rough day, yo."

"When is this day going to END?"

**A/N: Heheheheh...I absolutely LOVE Zack. I don't know why I did this to him though. He just feels so...accident prone! Please don't hate me for this!**

**Please review!**


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